Over And Beyond 1
author's note: hello people welcome to chapter ten. thanks so much for the awesome feedbacks. hope you enjoy this read, : )
Chapter 10Our vacation was going pretty well. We went to the nearby market and bought a lot of stuff, things we didn't really need. P'Arthit was in a funny mood where he just wanted to try everything. I was relieved to see him like this because it meant that he was finally over the shock of having Anya knowing our secret and true to my thoughts, Anya hasn't said anything to my parents. She was with my mother and father the whole time and I thought that was great, with them distracted I could sneak in a touch every now and then and tease P'Arthit.Because of Anya keeping my parents busy, P'Arthit and I were able to visit my hangout alone. It was a waterfall, one of the most beautiful things I have ever known. It was a bit of a walk and it was comical to see P'Arthit complaining about the heat and why we had to travel this far."Why do you have to come all this way just to hangout," he said moving his t-shirt up and down to let breeze into his hot and sweating body. I smiled at him."You will see soon." The distance wasn't very much further ahead so I took off before P'Arthit could say anything."Kongpob!" I hear him yelling. I set everything we needed quietly. Secretly I had come here with some things for a picnic. The distance wasn't as far as P'Arthit was complaining but he did like to complain.The place I had chosen was above the water fall under a tree in a patch of lemon green grass. It was so peaceful up her. Wide expanse of green spread before me, tall trees, wild purple flowers and the clear blue sky, and as I hooked our basket to one of the branches so that animals won't get to it, cool wind breezed through my hair, my clothes and ruffled the short grass like a wave. I couldn't wait to show P'Arthit this view.I returned to find him still searching for me. He was close to the waterfall now. It was not as high or as impressive as other waterfalls in parks and other countries, but it was so natural. Its water was flowing from the cracks between the rocks surrounding it were high trees and vines, and you couldn't really tell where exactly the water was coming from. I loved the natural fresh water, the bronze color of the ground and the minerals flowing from the rocks."P'Arthit!" I called to him. I was standing at the top of the rock waving to get his attention and grinning as he turned to me and blinked with visible surprise."Kongpob," he cautioned, "what are you doing up there, get down right now."I laughed, "No you come over here," I said."Wait, why do you suddenly like high places? Come down from there now.""It's so much fun in high places, didn't you know, P'Arthit?" I took two steps towards the edge and heard him shout."Hey! Don't be foolish Kongpob that place looks dangerous."I found his fear funny and laughed even though I knew he would get pissed soon. The water wasn't that deep and it was perfectly safe. I have been jumping down this rock my whole life, I knew it was safe but it was somehow reassuring to see P'Arthit worrying about me. "If you don't come up here P'Arthit I'm going to jump," I threatened."Really? Are you serious? Don't be a brat Kongpob and just come down already," his voice had some specks of real annoyance but it was just to cover his worry, I'm sure."I'm serious P'Arthit, it's that or I jump."I hear him curse. "Okay fine, I'm coming. Be prepared to get hit," he warned and started gingerly up the rocky, moss covered path, up to me. I waited for him patiently and grabbed his arm to help him get to where I was"Okay I'm here." he blew out stunned air," wow it looks great up here and so so high.""Scared P'Arthit?" I blew into his ear and he swatted me away."Stop that. Now I'm here what do you want to do?""Isn't it obvious, P'Arthit, let's risk our life for love." I smiled brightly."huh?" he blinked at me agape. I wanted to kiss him but that can wait."It's now or never P'Arthit," I said and took his hand."Wait, what are you talking about—" Before he could finish I tugged him forward and we both go over the edge with one leap."Kongpob!" I hear his angry shout and it brought laughter out of me. How did he not know I was going to do this? I chuckled inwardly.We hit the water with a splash and I went deeper in. the feeling of cool water was nice and the exhilaration was even better. Under the water was a dim sort of gold color. At our fall my hand left P'Arthit's so we didn't fall together. I swim up to the surface and looked for him. He should be coming up by now. P"Arthit knew how to swim; this should be a piece of cake for him. I turned around and he still wasn't coming out."P'Arthit?" worry creeped into me and with one loud gulp of air I sink back into the water. Immediately I see P'Arthit, he was floating under the water, his eyes tightly sealed shut. Was he hurt? I swam to him and pulled him up to the surface."P'Arthit?" his face was relaxed and his eyes closed and I didn't think he was breathing. Panic set in without my consent and I shook him rapidly. "P'Arthit! Wake up"I thought of breathing for him, doing Cpr because every moment P'Arthit wasn't breathing was a danger to him when I neared his face he suddenly sprouted water into my face. My eyes closed reflexively but my face was covered in mouth water and the culprit moved away from my arms laughing."It's not funny," I told him as I scrubbed water from my face."It's a little funny. Your voice was so..." he went off into a fit of laughter.I couldn't stand him so I swam off to the edge and got out of the water."Hey come on, don't be angry," he said still chuckling.I ignored him. My heart had nearly given out at the thought of P'Arthit being hurt. Did he know how scared I was? How can he laugh about something like that? Damn him.Frowning, I walked over to the spot I had meant to surprise him with, a gloomy air around me. I just couldn't shake off what P'Arthit had done."Kong, I'm sorry. Look at me please. I was just playing." His begging was of course thawing at my heart and I took a seat on the ground with our basket and took out a towel."Wow, what's this?" he asked and perched in front of me. "Did you prepare this?"I was still not talking to him. He met my eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to scare you. Well I did but you scared me first. I was just paying you back."He had to understand why that didn't appease me even a little. I just wanted him to have fun and I knew he wouldn't get hurt, what he did was far worse than what I did."I'm sorry, "he took my hand that wasn't on the towel drying my hair. "na? na na.
"I sighed and turned my hand from under his so I was the one holding him, then I tugged him to me so he was almost on his stomach, one of his hand on my thigh. He blinked up adorably at me I had to kiss him. "Never do that again," I warned, "never, you hear me?"He nodded speechlessly then I moved to kiss him but he evaded me so I kissed air."So what's inside this?""Snacks and drinks, "I replied and took out a towel and reached out to help him dry the water from his face. He met my eyes with a smile that rocked my heart. It was sweet and yet sexy in pure way. I smiled at him and he took the towel from me."Why are you always trying to take care of me when I can do it myself," he asked and sat down while using the towel on his hair."Because you are my boyfriend," I said and saw him flush bright, and then he used the towel to try and hide it from my view. I found it absolutely adorable."So what are we doing here?" he asked to cover up his shyness and I dropped my wet towel at the side and picked up one of the sandwiches inside the basket."It's a picnic P'Arthit, we are supposed to eat, enjoy the breeze and each other's company," I said in a simple voice. He gave me a look over and shrugged.When we started eating and chatting, P'Arthit was sitting across from me. By the time we got around our conversation and gentle teasing, he was now laying his head on my lap and we were looking at the interesting shapes of the clouds. "P"Arthit," I breath, and lowered my eyes to take in his relaxed face. "I wish this would never end.""What, the day?" he pretended not to understand so I pinched his cheek for it and he swatted my hand away and grinned."Do you know that we've never sat like this out in the open before?" I asked."We have," he said."No, we haven't," I argued back."Well, we can now. This place is so far from civilization, I don't think anyone comes here," he added."Yeah, I could kiss you if I wanted."He met my eyes and licked his lips and it was such a flirtatious move, one I have never seen P'Arthit make. It stunned me, shook me with desire and all I could do was reach for those lips but he got up and ran out of reach."It's not going to be that easy Kongpob, try and catch me first."
What?! My head and heart couldn't take this much wonderful thing. Did we really have to return tomorrow?I jumped to my feet," P'Arthit, you know it's dangerous to run around here," I said moving forward, "you could fall.""Yeah right," he escaped and I gave chase. We ran till we got to the water and I caught him because he didn't t want to get wet again by jumping into the water. I had him truly cornered, there would be no escape. We laughed at each other the whole time, I cupped the back of his head and said, "I caught you P'Arthit," then I kissed him."Kongpob!" I hear Anya's voice almost immediately. P'Arthit pushed me away and we both stared at her. She was dressed in shorts and flannel shirt, her usual."Quick, your parents are coming," she told us.What?! How did they find us?"I thought you said no one comes here," P'Arthit was quick to put some distance between us."Anya, why did you run off like that," I hear my mother ask. She was breathing like she had just run a hundred meter race. My father had his arms around her for support. They were both dressed in t-shirts and shorts, my mother's hair at some point had been braided."Son, I didn't think you were this adventurous, why do you have to—"he broke off at the sight of my waterfall. "Wow, that is beautiful."I could hear the pleasure in his voice but all I felt was dismay, I thought P'Arthit had this place all to ourselves but here they were, proving to me that we really couldn't be ourselves on this trip. If we could only tell them."Oh it certainly is. I can't believe all the time Kongpob comes here by himself we never thought to come see what is so great about it."I was still disoriented by their presence so I didn't even know what to say. If Anya had not warned us, we would have been caught. I glanced at her; she was looking at P'Arthit who couldn't look any more guilty if he tried.I collected my thoughts and said the only thing I could say. "Mom, dad, why did you come here, the reason I didn't want to show you guys this place is because it's private." My mother's brow turned towards. "Seriously, listen to what he is saying. It is a natural thing, how can you just claim it for yourself," my mother said."You didn't care before," I said. "That was because you didn't used to avoid us before. I don't know what happened to you, Kongpob. It's like I don't even know you anymore. You hardly come home, you don't tell me anything about what is going on in your life, all through this vacation you've been excluding yourself and taking offense at the simplest things. What is wrong with you?"Hearing her say these things hurt me, as true as they were. I have given up the security I found in my parents for P'Arthit and everything as they knew it was falling apart."It's not Kong's fault, mom," P'Arthit interjected and I looked at him. He didn't look back. "Don't even say anything Arthit son, you are just like him."We both couldn't speak to defend ourselves anymore."I don't know what it is you two are doing that you think you can't tell us, but I'm going to find out and set it straight. I'm going back now, my mood is ruined"We all watched her leave, each of us with our thoughts. Me, I was guilty about pushing my mother away, I hated having to lie to her so I preferred to avoid her but of course that has only made her unhappy and suspicious."Don't mind your mother," my father's voice brought my gaze to him. "She is just lonely, her baby is all grown up and she doesn't know how to let him go be who he wants to be."I lowered my gaze from his. "I trust you son, you will always make me proud."I swallowed around the twist in my chest and I couldn't help but hide my pain from him because no dad, I won't make you proud when you learn how much I have kept from you."You've always brought joy to me, son, and I can always count on you.""No dad," I stopped him. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so done with deceiving my parents, with lying to their faces, with living my life in hiding. I met P'Arhit's gaze to let him know that I can't keep it in anymore.He shook his head slowly and his gaze was filled with horror but I blocked my first response to it, which was to agree, give in, and make him happy again."What is it son?" my father asked. I swallowed."Dad, I have something to tell you," I said. "I'm so sorry, please don't hate me, and don't hate P'Arthit.""What is it," my father's worry was like a weight urging me on to tell him. I couldn't look at P'Arthit again. This was our secret and I was going against our agreement to keep quiet till we are ready, but I don know when that would be, when we would finally tell them. How long would my parents have to suffer more lies from me then, for a year, two years? I can't do it anymore P'Arthit."I—I am in love with—"still I couldn't say it easily, it was like a burn in my throat and I kept needing to swallow."He is in love with me!" Anya spoke over me so loudly and the words were like explosives. I stared at her in confusion."What?" my father was so confused he couldn't seem to keep up."No," I said, I didn't even want to understand why Anya was saying that."Yes, "P'Arthit spoke over me. "Kongpob is... in love... with Anya." My inside clenched at his quiet admission. Why would he say that?"P'Arthit," tears stung my eyes. What was he doing now? Was it so bad to admit that he loved me? My chest trembled with pain and it was hard to breathe when it suddenly hurt to. My mouth fell open as I stared at him."Kongpob and I met a long time ago and we've been seeing each other but I didn't want my dad to know so we um pretended that we just met and don't like each other." Anya was the only one who could talk among us now and she was spinning such lie so convincingly that I didn't know what to say in betweenMy dad shook his head. "But he is okay with Kongpob. He likes him and wants you to marry him.""And that's the problem dad, we don't want to get married yet. I knew my dad would force me to get married as soon as possible. That's why we had to keep it a secret," she continued.P'Arthit and I were both staring at her. I could have denied it, I wanted to deny it, but I knew whatever I said P'Arthit would just reverse. What if he denied that he was in love with me? P'Arthit doesn't say I love you very often and if I hear him say that he wasn't in love with me I don't think I could take it.Why P'Arthit. He wouldn't look at me as I begged him to stop this madness."That is strange," my father didn't look convinced."Kongpob is it true?" he asked. Tears clogged my throat and I looked for P'Arthit's eyes again and he refused to meet mine so I nodded. I couldn't speak because I thought I would start crying. I gritted my teeth and looked away before the first tears could fall. I wiped my nose as Anya spoke."Can you keep this a secret from my dad sir," Anya was asking and I lost track of everything too caught up in my own pain and disappointment. I was so disappointed in P'Arthit. So hurt and betrayed and the feeling was like a storm bubbling from my stomach to my throat so I thought I would scream or go mad. Why couldn't he just come out? Why! My pain slowly graduated to anger."Kong," I hear his voice and realized we were alone. Anya was gone and so was my dad. I had no idea what had been said and I didn't care. I looked at P'Arthit coldly and he shook his head and tucked his hand in and out of his pocket.I could see his regret but I didn't care. "I'm sorry Kong," he said. "I'm so sorry," he walked over to hug me and I threw his arms away."P'Arthit, why did you do that?""I didn't mean to," his face was tense with worry and fear," I swear. You didn't give me any choice. You were going to tell him.""As I should! As we should. P'Arthit listen to me, nothing will happen. Not to you or to me. If my family cannot accept me I will go way and live freely with you. We will never be apart." I took his shoulders and shook him."Don't you understand, P'Arthit, as long as we keep lying we will never stop hiding. I feel so suffocated P'Arthit!" that last part came out as a cry from the depths of my soul. My tears were not falling only because I was angry and frustrated enough to keep it in. "I just want to love you with all of my being, out in the open I want people to see that you are mine, that we love each other. Is that wrong?"He stood there listening to me and saying nothing. It was like my words couldn't reach him. "I don't want that," he muttered.I stared at him wishing my heart could get to him. "I don't want that," he pushed me away and we stared at each other like were strangers and it felt like the world between us just divided with a rip.
Chapter 10Our vacation was going pretty well. We went to the nearby market and bought a lot of stuff, things we didn't really need. P'Arthit was in a funny mood where he just wanted to try everything. I was relieved to see him like this because it meant that he was finally over the shock of having Anya knowing our secret and true to my thoughts, Anya hasn't said anything to my parents. She was with my mother and father the whole time and I thought that was great, with them distracted I could sneak in a touch every now and then and tease P'Arthit.Because of Anya keeping my parents busy, P'Arthit and I were able to visit my hangout alone. It was a waterfall, one of the most beautiful things I have ever known. It was a bit of a walk and it was comical to see P'Arthit complaining about the heat and why we had to travel this far."Why do you have to come all this way just to hangout," he said moving his t-shirt up and down to let breeze into his hot and sweating body. I smiled at him."You will see soon." The distance wasn't very much further ahead so I took off before P'Arthit could say anything."Kongpob!" I hear him yelling. I set everything we needed quietly. Secretly I had come here with some things for a picnic. The distance wasn't as far as P'Arthit was complaining but he did like to complain.The place I had chosen was above the water fall under a tree in a patch of lemon green grass. It was so peaceful up her. Wide expanse of green spread before me, tall trees, wild purple flowers and the clear blue sky, and as I hooked our basket to one of the branches so that animals won't get to it, cool wind breezed through my hair, my clothes and ruffled the short grass like a wave. I couldn't wait to show P'Arthit this view.I returned to find him still searching for me. He was close to the waterfall now. It was not as high or as impressive as other waterfalls in parks and other countries, but it was so natural. Its water was flowing from the cracks between the rocks surrounding it were high trees and vines, and you couldn't really tell where exactly the water was coming from. I loved the natural fresh water, the bronze color of the ground and the minerals flowing from the rocks."P'Arthit!" I called to him. I was standing at the top of the rock waving to get his attention and grinning as he turned to me and blinked with visible surprise."Kongpob," he cautioned, "what are you doing up there, get down right now."I laughed, "No you come over here," I said."Wait, why do you suddenly like high places? Come down from there now.""It's so much fun in high places, didn't you know, P'Arthit?" I took two steps towards the edge and heard him shout."Hey! Don't be foolish Kongpob that place looks dangerous."I found his fear funny and laughed even though I knew he would get pissed soon. The water wasn't that deep and it was perfectly safe. I have been jumping down this rock my whole life, I knew it was safe but it was somehow reassuring to see P'Arthit worrying about me. "If you don't come up here P'Arthit I'm going to jump," I threatened."Really? Are you serious? Don't be a brat Kongpob and just come down already," his voice had some specks of real annoyance but it was just to cover his worry, I'm sure."I'm serious P'Arthit, it's that or I jump."I hear him curse. "Okay fine, I'm coming. Be prepared to get hit," he warned and started gingerly up the rocky, moss covered path, up to me. I waited for him patiently and grabbed his arm to help him get to where I was"Okay I'm here." he blew out stunned air," wow it looks great up here and so so high.""Scared P'Arthit?" I blew into his ear and he swatted me away."Stop that. Now I'm here what do you want to do?""Isn't it obvious, P'Arthit, let's risk our life for love." I smiled brightly."huh?" he blinked at me agape. I wanted to kiss him but that can wait."It's now or never P'Arthit," I said and took his hand."Wait, what are you talking about—" Before he could finish I tugged him forward and we both go over the edge with one leap."Kongpob!" I hear his angry shout and it brought laughter out of me. How did he not know I was going to do this? I chuckled inwardly.We hit the water with a splash and I went deeper in. the feeling of cool water was nice and the exhilaration was even better. Under the water was a dim sort of gold color. At our fall my hand left P'Arthit's so we didn't fall together. I swim up to the surface and looked for him. He should be coming up by now. P"Arthit knew how to swim; this should be a piece of cake for him. I turned around and he still wasn't coming out."P'Arthit?" worry creeped into me and with one loud gulp of air I sink back into the water. Immediately I see P'Arthit, he was floating under the water, his eyes tightly sealed shut. Was he hurt? I swam to him and pulled him up to the surface."P'Arthit?" his face was relaxed and his eyes closed and I didn't think he was breathing. Panic set in without my consent and I shook him rapidly. "P'Arthit! Wake up"I thought of breathing for him, doing Cpr because every moment P'Arthit wasn't breathing was a danger to him when I neared his face he suddenly sprouted water into my face. My eyes closed reflexively but my face was covered in mouth water and the culprit moved away from my arms laughing."It's not funny," I told him as I scrubbed water from my face."It's a little funny. Your voice was so..." he went off into a fit of laughter.I couldn't stand him so I swam off to the edge and got out of the water."Hey come on, don't be angry," he said still chuckling.I ignored him. My heart had nearly given out at the thought of P'Arthit being hurt. Did he know how scared I was? How can he laugh about something like that? Damn him.Frowning, I walked over to the spot I had meant to surprise him with, a gloomy air around me. I just couldn't shake off what P'Arthit had done."Kong, I'm sorry. Look at me please. I was just playing." His begging was of course thawing at my heart and I took a seat on the ground with our basket and took out a towel."Wow, what's this?" he asked and perched in front of me. "Did you prepare this?"I was still not talking to him. He met my eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to scare you. Well I did but you scared me first. I was just paying you back."He had to understand why that didn't appease me even a little. I just wanted him to have fun and I knew he wouldn't get hurt, what he did was far worse than what I did."I'm sorry, "he took my hand that wasn't on the towel drying my hair. "na? na na.
"I sighed and turned my hand from under his so I was the one holding him, then I tugged him to me so he was almost on his stomach, one of his hand on my thigh. He blinked up adorably at me I had to kiss him. "Never do that again," I warned, "never, you hear me?"He nodded speechlessly then I moved to kiss him but he evaded me so I kissed air."So what's inside this?""Snacks and drinks, "I replied and took out a towel and reached out to help him dry the water from his face. He met my eyes with a smile that rocked my heart. It was sweet and yet sexy in pure way. I smiled at him and he took the towel from me."Why are you always trying to take care of me when I can do it myself," he asked and sat down while using the towel on his hair."Because you are my boyfriend," I said and saw him flush bright, and then he used the towel to try and hide it from my view. I found it absolutely adorable."So what are we doing here?" he asked to cover up his shyness and I dropped my wet towel at the side and picked up one of the sandwiches inside the basket."It's a picnic P'Arthit, we are supposed to eat, enjoy the breeze and each other's company," I said in a simple voice. He gave me a look over and shrugged.When we started eating and chatting, P'Arthit was sitting across from me. By the time we got around our conversation and gentle teasing, he was now laying his head on my lap and we were looking at the interesting shapes of the clouds. "P"Arthit," I breath, and lowered my eyes to take in his relaxed face. "I wish this would never end.""What, the day?" he pretended not to understand so I pinched his cheek for it and he swatted my hand away and grinned."Do you know that we've never sat like this out in the open before?" I asked."We have," he said."No, we haven't," I argued back."Well, we can now. This place is so far from civilization, I don't think anyone comes here," he added."Yeah, I could kiss you if I wanted."He met my eyes and licked his lips and it was such a flirtatious move, one I have never seen P'Arthit make. It stunned me, shook me with desire and all I could do was reach for those lips but he got up and ran out of reach."It's not going to be that easy Kongpob, try and catch me first."
What?! My head and heart couldn't take this much wonderful thing. Did we really have to return tomorrow?I jumped to my feet," P'Arthit, you know it's dangerous to run around here," I said moving forward, "you could fall.""Yeah right," he escaped and I gave chase. We ran till we got to the water and I caught him because he didn't t want to get wet again by jumping into the water. I had him truly cornered, there would be no escape. We laughed at each other the whole time, I cupped the back of his head and said, "I caught you P'Arthit," then I kissed him."Kongpob!" I hear Anya's voice almost immediately. P'Arthit pushed me away and we both stared at her. She was dressed in shorts and flannel shirt, her usual."Quick, your parents are coming," she told us.What?! How did they find us?"I thought you said no one comes here," P'Arthit was quick to put some distance between us."Anya, why did you run off like that," I hear my mother ask. She was breathing like she had just run a hundred meter race. My father had his arms around her for support. They were both dressed in t-shirts and shorts, my mother's hair at some point had been braided."Son, I didn't think you were this adventurous, why do you have to—"he broke off at the sight of my waterfall. "Wow, that is beautiful."I could hear the pleasure in his voice but all I felt was dismay, I thought P'Arthit had this place all to ourselves but here they were, proving to me that we really couldn't be ourselves on this trip. If we could only tell them."Oh it certainly is. I can't believe all the time Kongpob comes here by himself we never thought to come see what is so great about it."I was still disoriented by their presence so I didn't even know what to say. If Anya had not warned us, we would have been caught. I glanced at her; she was looking at P'Arthit who couldn't look any more guilty if he tried.I collected my thoughts and said the only thing I could say. "Mom, dad, why did you come here, the reason I didn't want to show you guys this place is because it's private." My mother's brow turned towards. "Seriously, listen to what he is saying. It is a natural thing, how can you just claim it for yourself," my mother said."You didn't care before," I said. "That was because you didn't used to avoid us before. I don't know what happened to you, Kongpob. It's like I don't even know you anymore. You hardly come home, you don't tell me anything about what is going on in your life, all through this vacation you've been excluding yourself and taking offense at the simplest things. What is wrong with you?"Hearing her say these things hurt me, as true as they were. I have given up the security I found in my parents for P'Arthit and everything as they knew it was falling apart."It's not Kong's fault, mom," P'Arthit interjected and I looked at him. He didn't look back. "Don't even say anything Arthit son, you are just like him."We both couldn't speak to defend ourselves anymore."I don't know what it is you two are doing that you think you can't tell us, but I'm going to find out and set it straight. I'm going back now, my mood is ruined"We all watched her leave, each of us with our thoughts. Me, I was guilty about pushing my mother away, I hated having to lie to her so I preferred to avoid her but of course that has only made her unhappy and suspicious."Don't mind your mother," my father's voice brought my gaze to him. "She is just lonely, her baby is all grown up and she doesn't know how to let him go be who he wants to be."I lowered my gaze from his. "I trust you son, you will always make me proud."I swallowed around the twist in my chest and I couldn't help but hide my pain from him because no dad, I won't make you proud when you learn how much I have kept from you."You've always brought joy to me, son, and I can always count on you.""No dad," I stopped him. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so done with deceiving my parents, with lying to their faces, with living my life in hiding. I met P'Arhit's gaze to let him know that I can't keep it in anymore.He shook his head slowly and his gaze was filled with horror but I blocked my first response to it, which was to agree, give in, and make him happy again."What is it son?" my father asked. I swallowed."Dad, I have something to tell you," I said. "I'm so sorry, please don't hate me, and don't hate P'Arthit.""What is it," my father's worry was like a weight urging me on to tell him. I couldn't look at P'Arthit again. This was our secret and I was going against our agreement to keep quiet till we are ready, but I don know when that would be, when we would finally tell them. How long would my parents have to suffer more lies from me then, for a year, two years? I can't do it anymore P'Arthit."I—I am in love with—"still I couldn't say it easily, it was like a burn in my throat and I kept needing to swallow."He is in love with me!" Anya spoke over me so loudly and the words were like explosives. I stared at her in confusion."What?" my father was so confused he couldn't seem to keep up."No," I said, I didn't even want to understand why Anya was saying that."Yes, "P'Arthit spoke over me. "Kongpob is... in love... with Anya." My inside clenched at his quiet admission. Why would he say that?"P'Arthit," tears stung my eyes. What was he doing now? Was it so bad to admit that he loved me? My chest trembled with pain and it was hard to breathe when it suddenly hurt to. My mouth fell open as I stared at him."Kongpob and I met a long time ago and we've been seeing each other but I didn't want my dad to know so we um pretended that we just met and don't like each other." Anya was the only one who could talk among us now and she was spinning such lie so convincingly that I didn't know what to say in betweenMy dad shook his head. "But he is okay with Kongpob. He likes him and wants you to marry him.""And that's the problem dad, we don't want to get married yet. I knew my dad would force me to get married as soon as possible. That's why we had to keep it a secret," she continued.P'Arthit and I were both staring at her. I could have denied it, I wanted to deny it, but I knew whatever I said P'Arthit would just reverse. What if he denied that he was in love with me? P'Arthit doesn't say I love you very often and if I hear him say that he wasn't in love with me I don't think I could take it.Why P'Arthit. He wouldn't look at me as I begged him to stop this madness."That is strange," my father didn't look convinced."Kongpob is it true?" he asked. Tears clogged my throat and I looked for P'Arthit's eyes again and he refused to meet mine so I nodded. I couldn't speak because I thought I would start crying. I gritted my teeth and looked away before the first tears could fall. I wiped my nose as Anya spoke."Can you keep this a secret from my dad sir," Anya was asking and I lost track of everything too caught up in my own pain and disappointment. I was so disappointed in P'Arthit. So hurt and betrayed and the feeling was like a storm bubbling from my stomach to my throat so I thought I would scream or go mad. Why couldn't he just come out? Why! My pain slowly graduated to anger."Kong," I hear his voice and realized we were alone. Anya was gone and so was my dad. I had no idea what had been said and I didn't care. I looked at P'Arthit coldly and he shook his head and tucked his hand in and out of his pocket.I could see his regret but I didn't care. "I'm sorry Kong," he said. "I'm so sorry," he walked over to hug me and I threw his arms away."P'Arthit, why did you do that?""I didn't mean to," his face was tense with worry and fear," I swear. You didn't give me any choice. You were going to tell him.""As I should! As we should. P'Arthit listen to me, nothing will happen. Not to you or to me. If my family cannot accept me I will go way and live freely with you. We will never be apart." I took his shoulders and shook him."Don't you understand, P'Arthit, as long as we keep lying we will never stop hiding. I feel so suffocated P'Arthit!" that last part came out as a cry from the depths of my soul. My tears were not falling only because I was angry and frustrated enough to keep it in. "I just want to love you with all of my being, out in the open I want people to see that you are mine, that we love each other. Is that wrong?"He stood there listening to me and saying nothing. It was like my words couldn't reach him. "I don't want that," he muttered.I stared at him wishing my heart could get to him. "I don't want that," he pushed me away and we stared at each other like were strangers and it felt like the world between us just divided with a rip.
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